He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
