Your tits are I can't wait for
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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