Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
