So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
