I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
