Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
