Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
