My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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