k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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