I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
