When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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