wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
