So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
