Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
