he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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