So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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