Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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