I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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