I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
