Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
