I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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