i will never coherently bang her
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
