If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
