went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
