He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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