Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
