I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My ass is underappreciated
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
