the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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