Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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