Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
