If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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