Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
