My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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