He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
