mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just puked most of my soul out..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
