Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
