I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
