Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
