for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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