I seem to have left my pride at pride
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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