They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
