So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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