So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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