Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize