so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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