OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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