Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
