why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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