Fuck appropriateness.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
