I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
