dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
