where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
