seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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