you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
