I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
