I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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