why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
