dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
