I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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