Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
