yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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