I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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