feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
